My Fake Interview with Myself

ME: Today, I’m interviewing fantasy author Lindsay Schopfer about his latest book, Into the North. Lindsay, thanks for joining me today.

LINDSAY: Thanks for having me.

ME: Let’s get started. So, your book is called Into the North. Can we assume that it’s an account of Scott’s Discovery Expedition to the North Pole?

LINDSAY: Actually, it’s a steampunk fantasy novel about a professional monster hunter.

ME: But there aren’t any monsters at the north pole, unless you count polar bears.

LINDSAY: It doesn’t take place on Earth.

ME: You don’t have people hunting polar bears in your book, do you?

LINDSAY: It doesn’t take place on Earth.

ME: It seems to me that you could alienate a lot of readers if you were killing polar bears all the time in your book.

LINDSAY: It doesn’t take place on Earth.

ME: Let’s move on. So, is this book a sequel?

LINDSAY: Yes. It’s the second book in the Keltin Moore series of adventure novels.

ME: And what was the first book?

LINDSAY: The Beast Hunter.

ME: Right. That’s the one with the guy who can talk with animals, right?

LINDSAY: No, that’s The Beastmaster.

ME: I honestly don’t remember anything about that show, except that he always seemed to have a ferret in his pocket.

LINDSAY: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

ME: Let’s move on. So how does your book end?

LINDSAY: Excuse me?

ME: I want to know how your book ends, in case I want to borrow it from someone.

LINDSAY: I don’t really want to give away the ending.

ME: That’s up to you, but I think you’re losing a lot of potential readers that way. Anyway, let’s wrap this up. Is there anything more you’d like to say about your new book?

LINDSAY: Well, I’ve got a book launch party this coming-

ME: Sorry, that’s all we have time for.

LINDSAY: But it’s a written interview.

ME: Thanks for joining me, Lindsay. I’m sure that all of your fans are looking forward to another book from you sometime next month.